А зрители есть?
Граф Дракула и до индусов добрался.
http://video.i.ua/user/628938/6523/32977/
Цитата(Юморист @ Jan 1 2008, 03:48 PM) А зрители есть?
А куда без них...
Olson picks up Laura at a bar and takes her home with him. He takes off his shirt and Lena says,
"What a great chest you have."
Olson tells her,
"That's 100 lb. of dynamite, baby."
Olson takes off his pants and the Laura says,
"What massive calves you have."
Olson tells her,
"That's 100 lb. of dynamite, baby."
Olson then removes his underwear and Laura goes running out of the apartment screaming in fear.
Olson puts his clothes back on and chases after her. He catches up to her and asks
"Why you run out like that?"
Laura replies,
"I was afraid to be around all that dynamite after I saw how short the fuse was."
It humoUr actually if it`s English, humor is American.
I hope my father never finds out about my telling jokes like this:
Two Catholic priests are discussing the possibility of abolition of obligatory celibacy. One says:
Do you think we will live to see the day when celibacy is abolished?
The other: Probably not us. But our children most likely will.
Airlines invest a lot of money in producing bright and beautiful magazines-they know very well that the bane of modern-day long-distance jet-travel is neither bad weather nor bad food nor airsickness. It`s BOREDOM.
But no matter how scintillating an inflight magazine, it would be impossible to produce one, which could command your rapt attention for the entire seventeen hours between Kuala Lumpur and London, for example. Much as it grieves me to have to accept this, you`ll have to put this magazine away eventually, whereupon you`ll have to find something else to do with yourself. Allow me, then, to suggest a few ideas:
THE ‘IN-THE-CLOUDS’ HANDY GUIDE TO STAVING OFF INFLIGHT BOREDOM
1. Sleep
This is a great old standby. If you figure out how to do it when travelling in Economy, please right and tell me. I`m sure many, many others would be enormously relieved to know the secret of your success. My personal technique to facilitate inflight sleeping does work, after a fashion, but it involves staying up for at least 36 hours before a flight, which can be somewhat arduous.
2. Chat Up Your Neighbour
He`s probably just as bored as you are, and so would welcome the diversion. Either that, or he`d taken an instant dislike to you as soon as he saw who it was he`d have to sit next to for the duration of his journey and he has been sitting stiff in mortal disgust at the prospect of your trying to strike up a conversation with him .If so, heed the danger signals, and don`t tempt fate.
If your neighbour happens to be of the opposite sex, guard your opening gambit carefully. Remember, you`re going to be stuck with him/her for quite a while. So beware of sending signals that might lead them to believe you`re what they`ve been looking for all their lives.
Here are some nice safe opening-lines, which you might care to try:
a) “Hello. Where are you going?” Don`t ask this question if you know very well that the plane`s got only one destination. Your neighbour will not think highly of you.
“Have you got the right time?” Be sure to specify which right time you want. Do not be put off if they don`t know. The main thing is to get them to say something, and then you can take it from there.
NOTE: Do not use this question if the captain has just come on over the p.a. system telling what time it is, and where. Your neighbour will think you`re deaf, and that would be the end of that.
c) “Have you flown MAS before?” This is nice and noncommittal, but it suffers from the disadvantage of being a bit of a dead-end question. They will either say “Yes” or “No”. Either way, you will be hard-pressed to come up with a response more eloquent than: “Oh.” Still, it`s a start.
On NO ACCOUNT should you ever attempt the following opening-lines, although they are practically guaranteed to elicit an immediate and heartfelt response:
“I think I`m going to be sick.”
“I think I`m falling in love with you”
“THE WING`S FALLEN OFF!”
The events, which would probably follow such a pronouncement, are unlikely to be boring, but nevertheless…cabin crew have ways of dealing with “problem passengers”.
3. Chat Up The Stewardesses.
(Only for male passengers. Female passengers may allow themselves to be chatted up by the stewards.)
This is a very good standby if your neighbour turns out to be an obnoxious, obstreperous sod who persists in rejecting all your friendly overtures. The stewardesses, on the other hand, have been trained to be charmingly accommodative of your every innuendo, even if they think you`re an obnoxious, obstreperous sod.
4. Visit The Loo.
This not only gives you a chance to stretch your legs, it also gives you a chance to saunter back to the rear of the cabin, which is usually where all the prettiest stewardesses are to be found. You`ll find them in the galley, desperately trying to hide from people like you.
5. Go For A Jog.
(Only applicable on 747s and DC-10s).
6. Listen To The Inflight Entertainment.
7. Watch The Inflight Movie.
8. Gaze out of the window.
OR, ultimately, do 6,7 and 8 together. Whilst not as effective as staying up for 36 hours before your flight, this technique will certainly do much to help you fall asleep; which, in the final analysis, is still the best way to pass the time during your flight without making an intolerable nuisance of yourself to everyone else on board.
